


And You're Not Here (to get me through it all)

by nerdguy3000



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loss, Memory Loss, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-Season/Series 07, The Framework Universe (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26647009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdguy3000/pseuds/nerdguy3000
Summary: One moment Jemma had been walking through the door of her seven-year-old daughter’s bedroom, the next she woke up in a white room, lying on a medical bed, barely able to move her head.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	And You're Not Here (to get me through it all)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [isolday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isolday/gifts).



> this is a gift to my twitter wife! it is very angsty, so prepare yourself

One moment Jemma had been walking through the door of her seven-year-old daughter’s bedroom, the next she woke up in a white room, lying on a medical bed, barely able to move her head. Her eyes struggled to focused and darting around the room, trying to work out where she was. Where was Alya? Where was Fitz? Where was she?

“..mma? Jemma?” A soft voice broke through her silent panic, her eyes darted around as she tried to move her head, “just stay there I’m going to get a doctor.”

The biochemist heard footsteps retreat and for the next hour everything blurred together, various lights were shone in her eyes, her arms and legs were manipulated into various positions that she couldn’t manage alone, she was asked questions, when it was, where she was, what was the last thing she remembered. The doctors around her shared confused and concerned looks before leaving. She tried to sit up but felt her body couldn’t move. She must have been in an accident, oh god, was Alya okay? Was Fitz?

Jemma lay there trying to figure out what had happened, a head injury could explain the loss of memories, or had she had another DIANA implant? There were many things that could explain her inability to move, a spinal injury was most likely, though she could still feel the doctor’s hands on her. Muscular atrophy could explain the weakness but that would only occur after months of inactivity. Maybe she had ended up in a coma and that would account for the atrophy and her memories would surely return. She looked down at herself and saw that she looked incredibly small, her arms looked withered, she moved her nose and realised there was a feeding tube.

Before she could speculate anymore, the door opened and in walked Daisy. That was strange, she was supposed to be in space. She wasn’t due back until next year, she and Fitz had planned on taking a trip to America to see her. It must be serious if Daisy was back.

“Jemma? You with me?” Daisy asked in a soft voice, seeming almost tentative.

“Dia- Daisy?” Jemma voice croaked out, full of confusion.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Horrible, what happened? The last thing I remember was opening the door to Alya’s room… is she okay?”

“Jemma you need to listen carefully to me…” Daisy hesitated, unsure of what to say.

“What happened, is she okay? Where is she?” Jemma was almost frantic, desperately trying to get her body to cooperate, if Daisy wouldn’t tell her she would find out herself. She managed to list her head up and her fingers twitched.

“Hey, just stay there. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Daisy put a gentle hand on Jemma’s shoulder.

“Tell me where my daughter is?”

“Jemma… you’ve been in the framework for the past two years… I think Alya is just something that happened in there… I’m sorry.” Daisy kept a hand on Jemma, gently rubbing her arm.

“No. No! No! You- you’re lying, where is she? I want my Daughter! Get away from me, you’re not Daisy, she’s away in space. Who are you?” Jemma struggled against her, trying desperately to dislodge Daisy’s hands as the tears began to fall. Daisy just sat there, rubbing her arms while applying gentle pressure so Jemma would hurt herself. “Please I just want Alya.”

“Jemma do you remember what happened before the framework?”

“We went into the framework to save the team but that was at least nine years ago. We got everyone except Mack out, Yo-Yo got him out and then we defeated AIDA and got kidnapped by Enoch and taken to space by another monolith-“ Jemma took a breath when she saw Daisy’s confused face.

“Jemma, tell me what exactly happened after the framework.” Daisy seemed to be trying to hint at something, but Jemma could work out what.

“Well we had to go and help rescue Coulson, May and Mack from the oil rig. AIDA took Fitz hostage, but he convinced her to save Mack when we couldn’t. Then AIDA and Fitz were put into the containment module and we headed back to the Base. General Talbot showed up as AIDA turned evil.” Jemma noticed the way Daisy flinched gently at the mention of Fitz which confused her but she continued with her explanation, “Piper and Davis went to rescue Fitz and got him out. Robbie came back to try and get rid of AIDA and then Talbot got shot by your LMD. You and Robbie destroyed some LMD’s and Coulson made a death with the Ghost Rider to destroy AIDA so we headed back to the Playground. Then AIDA tried to kill me but we had switched me with an LMD that she stabbed. Then I shot AIDA, Coulson turned into the ghost rider and he burned AIDA while me and Fitz watched. Then Elena got Mack out of the framework and we all gathered in the base then headed to the diner where Enoch found us.”

“All? Jemma, who was there when we gathered?” Daisy asked, trying to prompt Jemma to remember something.

Jemma closed her eyes and thought back to that moment, all of them standing in the burned-out old room. Jemma looked around, Robbie had just gone through the portal, next to her was May, then Mack and Yo-Yo, Coulson and then Daisy, then she looked at where Fitz was supposed to be. About to take all the responsibility for what had happened… But he wasn’t there.

“No wait… Where was Fitz? Where did he go-? I remember him being there. Why can’t I see him?” Jemma looked up at Daisy, confusion, and pain filled her eyes as tears began to fall.

“I don’t know if I should just tell you or-“

“Please just tell me, I need to know. I want Fitz!” Jemma interrupted, her breaths coming in heavy sobs.

“He wasn’t there so we went to the last place we knew where he was, in the server room with your LMD…”

“-no.” Tears gathered in her eyes, “oh my god, he was lying next to the LMD, with a broken neck. Oh god, how did I forget? But no I remember him, he survived. We got married and built a life together.”

“You ran off and no one had the heart to follow you so we cleaned up Fitz so you could have a chance to grieve on your own. But by the time we realised, it was too late. You plugged yourself into a version of the framework Fitz had built for you both. That’s where all your other memories came from. We tried to get you out and that’s probably why a lot of it got messed up but, in the end, we left you to have a life with Fitz. Over the past few days, you started to deteriorate so I put more effort into getting you out. I managed to turn that door you opened into a backdoor out of the framework.” Daisy gave a shaky breath; it had been too long and scary years.

She just wanted to have her sister back, it was two years to the day since they had buried Fitz and the pain was still there. Everyone still felt the guilt, it was their fault Fitz had died and Jemma had got lost in the framework. They should have realised that he was in danger, of course, AIDA would want to kill him, especially after killing what she thought was Jemma.

“No, please, I can’t lose him not again please! Please Daisy.” Jemma forced her hand up and with surprising strength, she grabbed Daisy’s sleeve. In a low voice, Jemma whispered, “put me back in.”

Daisy jumped back as if scalded, her eyes filled with pain and tears, “Simmons no, the reason we tried so hard to pull you out this time is your health is deteriorating. If you go back in there you will die.”

Jemma looked at her old friend and coldly stated, “there is nothing for me here.”

* * *

Over the following weeks' Daisy continued to try and get Jemma to open up and talk but day after day Jemma lay mute in the hospital bed, once every day she would ask to be put back in the framework and when she was told that wasn’t an option she went back to being silent. She barely contributed to the physical therapy, enough to stop the therapist complaining but Jemma didn’t seem all that interested in getting better. The whole team had been to visit, May had just sat at her bedside and told her how glad everyone was she was back. Coulson had apologised multiple times for Fitz death, but Jemma hadn’t said a word, letting the silent tears fall down her face. Mack and Yo-Yo had come, trying to get her to listen to reason, to respond to them, they thought they had gotten through when Jemma looked at them, but she just repeated her previous request. Daisy had been there every day, trying to get Jemma to eat something or even just to talk to her.

Everyday Jemma seemed to retreat further into herself, the only thing that seemed to improve was her range of movement. After two months she was able to sit up and move her arms. She still refused to eat anything and once a day she would ask whoever was there to put her back in. It hurt everyone, they just wanted her to be okay, they had no way to help her. The therapist that had been employed by SHIELD who Jemma didn’t even acknowledge.

After four months Jemma made a request that Daisy hadn’t expected, “I want to see his grave.”

Daisy didn’t need to ask who, she just nodded and left. That request was finally something she could do. And she was going to make sure nothing went wrong. Fitz had been buried in Scotland, so she needed to get a pilot and a Quinjet but she didn’t think anyone would object, especially since it was the only other thing Jemma had asked for.

It had taken a few days to get everything ready, the whole team had been on board and May said she would be the pilot. Of course, there were other agents Daisy could ask but she didn’t think that would be helpful to Jemma. They got Jemma onto a wheelchair as her legs were still too weak to carry her, Daisy had got instructions from her doctor and also took a supply of fluids and food that would go through her feeding tube. Daisy hoped that this trip would help Jemma realize that she needed to move on. She was killing herself in the hope that somehow, she could get Fitz and Alya back.

The trip was quiet and awkward, Jemma hadn’t said anything at all since her request to see Fitz. May and Daisy feel like they didn’t want to break the silence, occasionally silent tears would fall down Jemma’s face, clearly, something happened in her own head, but she never responded to their questions.

Arriving in Scotland was bittersweet, while Jemma was glad to be back in the UK, she was about to have what she didn’t want to be true confirmed. She was wheeled past the gravestones and looked at the names on them, fear rising in her. A part of her knew it was real and another was sure she was being lied to.

Far too quickly Daisy rolled the wheelchair to a stop in front of a gravestone that read:

_Leopold Fitz_

_Beloved Friend and Partner_

_1987 ~ 2017_

Daisy took a step back to allowed Jemma a chance to process. She heard Jemma whisper something about Alya but tried not to listen, this was a private moment. It was just them as May had elected to stay with the Quinjet, Daisy knew that the older woman also had a lot of guilt when it came to the Scotsman’s death.

After a few minutes, Daisy heard intense sobbing coming from Jemma and rushed to her side. Instinctively Daisy pulled Jemma into a tight hug and unexpectedly Jemma put her arms around her friend. After exhausting herself through crying, Jemma whispered, “it should say husband.”

“What?” Daisy asked, confused.

“We were married, we…” she trailed off, “we were unstoppable together.”

For the next few hours, Jemma and Daisy sat in a Scottish cemetery and Jemma told Daisy about her life on the other side. Enoch and space, going to the future, Deke (Daisy noticed the way Jemma smiled when she mentioned him), Jemma described in great detail her and Fitz's wedding and Jemma felt she got quiet when she discussed Fitz mental break and everything that happened to Daisy it wasn’t real but it felt real to Jemma and she still held guilt. Then she explained how Fitz died and Daisy felt tears spring to her eyes, Fitz dying was always hard for her to think about. Jemma explained how they went into space to find him and then the journey of how they made it home. She spoke of time travel and finally, with tears in her eyes, she told Daisy about Alya. How she had been born in space and they had lived there until they needed to come back to save the world one last time before she and Fitz retired to Perth. She spoke about their cottage and the garden that Alya would play in, spending hours tiring Fitz out. Jemma told Daisy how amazing a dad Fitz was and Daisy could understand that. Once Jemma was done, they sat in silence for a while.

“I think its time for me to get back into the real world.” Daisy could have cried from relief.

</

Over the next few months Jemma started to improve, she was finally eating solid food, participating in her physical therapy, and was learning to walk again. She was also finally talking to the therapist and learning how to move on. She had asked to go back to the lab, missing being able to do science. Finally, after a year, she had been allowed to get back to work and she was determined to be stable enough to stay in her room without observation. Jemma seemed to be thriving in the lab and everyone was happy to see her back.

* * *

However one morning, a few months after Jemma started working again, when Daisy walked past the lab, Jemma was mysteriously missing. She headed to Jemma’s room to make sure she was okay her muscles weren’t back to full strength. She knocked on the door and called out to Jemma but got no response so waited a few minutes then tried again. There was no response again and the door was locked. Quaking the lock apart Daisy rushed in, scared at what she would find. And inside her worst fear was recognized.

Jemma was lying on the bed unconscious, she had so many pieces of tech scattered around the room and on her head was the machine used to transport people to the framework. She had gone back, and this time it would kill her.

A note lay on the side table:

_Daisy_

_I’m sorry but I had to go back, my beautiful daughter and her father are waiting for me. I told Fitz to look after her for me until I could get back when we saw him last time._

_Just let me go, don’t get me out. I would never forgive you. If you’re even thinking about it, I’ve made it so that any attempts to remove me will fry my brain._

_Just let me rest, please._

_I’m sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> all feedback appreciated


End file.
